I understand the need for these ubiquitous, generic retail monoliths, and even see the appeal of having everything consumable in a 2945 hectare block. A brilliant concept really.
But for me, the whole experience is about as much fun as accidentally falling into a vat of loaded mousetraps. Nude.
The angst starts in the car park. At any given time, there will be five urban 4WDs vying for the one undercover spot, piloted by crazed, desperate consumers who would think nothing of using violent homicide in order to secure their short term prize.
After braving death to park your vehicle - which, incidentally, you'll never find after the ordeal - you wander into the materialistic abyss... and slowly feel your soul being sucked away. Along with your free will.
Inside is the real action. The sight of zombified shoppers absently wading through hordes of same, in search of the latest faddish trinket to present to a relative/friend in lieu of any genuine affection, is initially rather confronting. Until you become one of them.
Then it all makes sense. You start to embrace the mall ethos.
Suddenly, the pet shop is no longer a thinly veiled profiteer of animal cruelty, the fast food chain located opposite the kid's clothing store is fortuitous, the shop assistants (whose breaking voices make them sound like they're singing the "Lonely Goat Herd" song from the "Sound of Music") aren't just trying to use you to reach their unrealistic sales targets, etc.
You're in their world now.
15 hours later, you're out of there with 72 shopping bags, legs that feel as though they've been used as speed bumps on an army base, and a pornographically violated credit card. And no will to live.
No, shopping malls just aren't my thing.
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The Velvet Trousered man would like to congratulate Russia's President for being named Time Magazine's "Person of the Year," and see him spend an evening or two on the top floor of an exclusive London hotel; if for no other reason than to see the headline:
"Putin on the Ritz."
1 comment:
ha! I actually love shopping malls. especially during the holidays when they're crammed with people. Me and my bff sometimes use the mall as our walking track and get our excercize by jaunting through the madness! I love the festivity of it all. Cacauphonous and jolly.
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