"Sorry" Day

As our Nation's leader has today issued an historic and long overdue apology to the indigenous people of Australia, I thought it a good opportunity to make a few apologies of my own. After all, contrition is quite noble. Looks good on me.

Ready?

*clears throat*

*adopts contrite pose*

I am sorry

To the delightful young family who had the misfortune of entering the elevator in which I had just travelled; on the day after 'curry nite:'

I am sorry

To the traumatised lad outside the bakery, who no doubt had his vocabulary broadened, when overhearing me severely and rather colourfully chastising myself for forgetting my wallet (although, I didn't realise the car window was down):

I am sorry

To those forced to absorb the inane ramblings of a friend or colleague after their purchase of a new timber decking/BMW/HD TV etc. :

I am Sorry

To anyone who lives within earshot of a halfwit with a leafblower:

I am sorry

To anyone who has seen me with my shirt off (includes embattled Velvette):

I am deeply sorry

*waits for heartfelt applause*